Neoliberalism is a scary word being thrown around lately and it is used most often by people who don't know what it means, but it is gaining steam in the coffee shops and organic dissentary bars on Northeastern campuses ever since the most influential Western capo, yarn spinning anarchist and half crazed Maoist Noam Chomsky printed it in all of his recent pseudo-empiricist and formulaic madlibs mimeographs where he puts his name to preternatural literature ghost written in earnest by a group of his Larouche-esque cult of interns and it magically transforms into canonical scripture amongst true believing apology fetishists. Anarcho reactionaries ultra faithful to the Chomsky ideological method of self-righteous dishonesty which the walking tenure cautionary poster Noam perfected by refusing to debate a soul since he was the leading academic to hear speak if you need to sleep for finals and wanted to be in a safe space for fellow supporters of totalitarian ideology. I attempted to find data to back up claims scribbled by students of the MIT resident capo on many occasions but it wasn't until I tapped into my spiritual reservoir of subluxation to find the sacred art of blind faith in the inherent morality in and regressive powers of pure anti-Western orthodoxy that I could see what ideas were used to pen the latest ode to leftish taqiyya (lie-to-win) identity fascism and conspiracy paranoia smut with idiotic large print. When he breathes his last bit of anarcho-inhalants his spirit will be harnessed into pure light and moral superiority (or perhaps he will be gifted 72 virgins). With high powered canisters of virtue signal pomposity as the world's most cited intellectual, the Left Wing Ayatollah of hari kari thinking can now finally eliminate the need for critical thought altogether. It is only when he lurches forward and drones on about the evils of diplomacy and human rights for eighteen hours to the circle jerk of bespectacled bourgeois anarcho Bolsheviks that it dawns on him: he has made it! Momma Chomsky would be proud to see her son the demigod of masochistic frippery. Noam prefers to be called Generalissimo in his particular corner of radical posing purveyors of Orwellian doublespeak and mental slavery we call the regressive left. It is in this tendency that he is finishing up the junta coup plans to take the MIT quad by force of mimeograph and institute a new political party sans candidates or policies or leaders: just Noam.
The event will be organized by Students for Jew-slaughter in Palestine. The cocktail hour will be held at the Iranian Book Depot and Vegan Pudding Kiosk.
This is only the beginning of our political nightmare.
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